Last night i remain my self what am i doing when i was in colleges. Why i can finished my studies in 3.5years and having a lot travel experience. People asking me why and now i’m asking myself.
I was pushing myself that hard.
Like others parents, my parents also want to see me graduate as soon as possible. But, i want travel as much as possible. I want to make something with big impact to the others. I was creating travel magazine, make networks inside, connecting people, encourage people, performance, create scuba community magazine, create underwater scuba photography class, involve in emergency respond, study at night until i slept on table and still have a time to dive and travel in other province.
But, on that night i feel wobble.
What am i doing right now? Where’s the result? Why i can’t see any result of my progress? I’m so feeling upset with my self..am i not pushing that hard again?
I almost crying myself..like seriously, dude?
But then, my closest person ask “are you serious on what you’re doing now?”. “yes, i’m”. “like..seriously?”. “yes, i am”.
“So then, you have to be patient….” (he paused) “many people from this province go outside and they success, many people come to here but not that much success. They’re struggling, with them self and environment”
(i silenced)
“Maybe, X not gonna that success if she not going to Jogja, maybe Z not gonna success if he not in Jakarta and also Y if he not in Java. Can you see how easy they get appreciate from other? Everyone like to support positive things there, everyone like what something new. Even trash!”
(i clam up)
“Now see who’s coming here and success. Tell me..WHO? Are they struggling enough?. Very few, they just coming here to do what they gonna do, but sometimes they run to other province or country to seek the ease. Look how hard W to being success right now? how L doing after 7years struggling, how M go after 25years beating? Are you comparing that?”
(i still clam up)
“This is what am doing for my entire life: looking people who came here and ridicule them because they going back home. They not survive here”
“i don’t wanna be that person, be ridiculed by you”, i replied.
“then be patient and keep pushing yourself, it’s not easy, it’s not ease, you live in place that appreciation cannot that easy to get, the place that ‘something new is just awkward’, the place that have been through unlimited war, the place that ‘trusting others’ are like a diamond;it’s arduous”
Pelangi Laut 